I’m finding that my new found gentle style of parenting is not in line with how everyone around us cares for my kids. The baby is fine, she’s super cuddly and everyone is sweet on her, but my 3.5 year old, who is admittedly stubborn like her Mama, gets a bit more of a “firm tone” from Grandparents, etc. I also know they use timeouts at daycare, something we did for a while, but I’m now leaning away from them because they didn’t work and seem to cause more harm than good. Which ones are the fights worth fighting? Like the top 5 things I want to make sure everyone does the same?
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Parenting Gently 
Jul 04, 2011 @ 01:54:46
This is such a tough question! I did some searching and could only find articles about finding an attachment parenting friendly care provider but nothing about what to do when that isn’t possible. I’m not sure my advice would be valuable since I don’t have a daycare experience. I know with family I would be very open with how I wanted things done. My dad sometimes gets harsh with Aellyn and I just correct him when he does but if he was using time outs or punishments then that would just be a no-go. At daycare there are the other kids to be thought about and I just don’t know where MY WAY intersects with their way.
I’m going to ask around to get some advice for some other mothers with more experience.
Jul 07, 2011 @ 06:04:47
You have to figure out what’s the most important to you and your family, for us it’s no physical punishment of any sort will be tolerated, not just spanking but when you see adults yanking children away… that kind of stuff as well, and no overly demeaning or angry language directed at our kids (screaming, swearing, etc). Most other things we’ve put under the category of “different people do things differently and that’s ok”. That’s just us though, every family is different.
I don’t have first hand experience with putting my kids in daycare but I would say you need to find one that you’re comfortable with. I’ve worked in childcare and as a provider it’s important that something as big as how to deal with kids who are acting inappropriately can be applied equally to everybody, doing something different for one kid isn’t something I personally think you can ask of them. If no timeouts end up being one of the issues you don’t think you can compromise I would say you need to find a childcare provider that is on the same page as you.